Compassionate Detachment Best Way To Get An Alcoholic Help
When families and friends see the path of destruction caused by a loved one's out-of-control drinking, they want to know how to get an alcoholic help. They desperately go to any measure in an attempt to fix the situation. Their hearts are breaking, and the family is falling apart. Fear, shame and guilt drive their actions. Parents of adult children who abuse alcohol often feel particularly confused about the role they should play. The strongest stance for convincing an alcoholic adult child to get help is to practice compassionate detachment.
Compassion does not mean constant self-sacrifice
Compassionate detachment may sound like a contradiction in terms. How can a person be compassionate and distant at the same time? Compassion means caring about the happiness and well being of others, but it does not mean giving them everything they want. Alcoholics and drug addicts become masters of manipulation. They ask for money when they know they will not pay it back; they expect others to cover up for their behavior; they blame their families or their jobs or their dire circumstances for their behavior. To continue giving alcoholics money, to continue calling their employers with excuses, and to continue feeling guilty for the past simply enables the alcoholic behavior to continue. That's where detachment steps in. Detachment is vital in convincing an alcoholic to get help. (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/200911/what-compassion-is)
Detachment focuses on letting go of another person's choices
Detachment means releasing responsibility for someone else's behavior and letting go of emotional involvement in someone else's choices. Family members often become as obsessed with the alcoholic's behavior as the alcoholic is with drinking. They live in fear of what will happen next. By detaching emotionally, family members learn to focus on their own behavior and feelings and to develop a change in attitude. (http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info2/a/aa032697.htm)
Part of that change includes finding ways that will help, but not enable. Instead of giving money directly, families might choose to help finance treatment. Instead of living in fear, families can seek support groups of their own. Instead of nagging and pleading, families can consider a formal intervention. Most importantly, families and loved ones will suffer less once they accept the fact that they cannot change anyone except themselves.